Who wants to fight with me?

This is not a typical inspired blog. This, I really felt came from my heart. This isn't easy to write or say but it has to be said. Shame has taken control of my life for far too long and I won't let it any more. I was abused as a child for ten years. Yes, I pushed through it. Yes, I survived. Yes, I have even accomplished much. Does it make it all go away? No.
I didn't realize how much my abuse skewed my view of things. I did not realize that my past had any control of me until this year. I had my son and postpartum hit me hard. I struggled to comprehend why I felt so unbalanced and lost. Until I got help.
I started counseling in May. I went, said what I went through, and said, "But I'm doing fine." I had no idea what I was about to see. For months I still wore blinders. Not recognizing how daily I put myself through shame. I did not recognize all that I have accomplished, all that I have done, I continually felt horrible for not being enough. I never could feel content or happy. I couldn't stop from planning hourly our life. My husband was being driven crazy by me and I couldn't see the problem. I thought I was "normal." When he opened my eyes to my inability to relax I began to realize more about myself. Like a missing childhood, literally blank and black. An ability to always, I mean always, see the positive in others but never see it in myself. Plus many more. I began to realize I wasn't normal. Even more perhaps, I am "normal" but no one talks about these things.
I am a perfectionist in recovery, a struggling person on a mission. I need to tell my story and my recovery to know I am not alone. To fight the truth some might not see or just might not say.
I will fight against shame because I need to.
Who wants to fight with me?