My Fear of Writing

I have been in shock over the amount of support I have received. I am not a writer, yet. I have grammar issues left and right but I am grateful to those who have reached out to me. When I posted the picture of myself last night, I did it with a heavy-heart but a determined mind. Many people around me know of my abuse. I am very open about what had happened in my life. I didn't realize how much posting and feeling the warmth and love from those around me would affect me. Whether it was just to say they loved me or those who said they understand and are happy to know they are not alone. I felt a weight off my shoulders to tell those around me and open my heart for a change.


Writing is healing to me. Terrifying... Mainly because I want it to be perfect before I really put it out there. I need to have it said because it heals me to say what I feel.


Shaming only can happen if it is not said. Shame loves to hide. Especially among the perfectionists, the self-critical, and the lost. I don't want to be any of those things anymore. I am ready to be free of what others view me as. I want to open my  heart to what I am supposed to be.


Even now I can feel my face flushing with shame and fear to write how I really feel. Not protecting myself. What will people think? What will people say?


I truly am a happy person. I take the positive in most situations. I want it that way. I believe in the good around me. I know it is there. I see it in my son's smiling face. I see it in my husband's generosity. Now just to see the good in myself and not be ashamed of it.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marrianne Williamson