Can't Face the Blog

I have to be honest. When I am struggling I hate to blog. I hate letting everyone know I struggle. I hate to write about it. It makes it feel like it's almost more true. Like if I put the words on a blog then everything I'm holding in is actually happening. So inspite of my hate... It's time to write. 

This past month has probably been one of the hardest I've had. I've been challenged in every way I've ever know. I pulled up some of the worst memories of more abuse. My husband had an emergency surgery. We bought our first home. My son figured out how to climb and run to the street. 

If I could find one word for this month it would be... Overwhelming. I packed my house up by myself. I'm unpacking my house by myself. My life is ruled by a mini-human and my amazing husband still struggles with basic things. I've have been beyond challenged this past month. All with a smile. 

I've learned a lot about myself in this time. I've learned exactly how I shut off and how to turn to my husband like never before. I don't know a life without his support. I've realized the more open I am to people I can be safe with, the better I feel. 

Yes my life is hard right now. No I won't have a toddler forever. Jaren will get back to full strength. With no doubt I can say I have seen the hand of God and angels to lift and support me. Real Angels and people who have been Angels to me. I'm grateful I'm here to write another blog. State a bit of truth. And understand a whole lot better.